Ethereal Touch
by PrincessSwifty
Summary: [songfic] “Shhh…quiet my little kitten…you know this is what you want…” Is Riku deserving of his fate? Contemplation...the tool that leads to darkness...too much time alone is too much for such a tainted soul...


--…Ethereal Touch…--

Omg...wow I've uploaded this fic!! O.o

All: ::gasps::

Me: I know! I think I wrote this over a year ago, and even though DigitalDreamer and Shadow-of-Hearts/Rayn thought it was good, I was too scared to post it...:( well thank you so much you guys for saying that I should post this fic :) you guys rock!

Also, this begins the era of me coming back to reviewing and continuing to update my other fic, Never Let Go (a Digimon fic). If any of the readers of Never Let Go are checking up this fic, I want to **thank you** so much for your patience, and apologise for my inability to update in so long. The next chapter I have found inspiration for, and will begin writing a.s.a.p. Again, thank you.

_Disclaimer:_ I don't own Kingdom Hearts – it is property of Square-Enix and Disney. I also don't own Evanescence, whose lyrics I have used in this fic.

The song in this fic is "Tourniquet" by Evanescence, and is on their album, 'Fallen'. Go buy! I love it! It just –screams- Kingdom Hearts / SoraxRikuness!

By the way this fic contains **shounen-ai/yaoi**** hints. It is not integral, however, if you do not like yaoi/boyxboy/shounen-ai, then I guess perhaps this fic is not suitable for you.**

_Legend:_

…_(lyrics)_… _lyrics_

/……/_unknown voice_

"……" _speaking_

-- …:Chapter 1 - Tourniquet:… --

..._I tried to kill the pain…_

Rain. For so long the rain has fallen. Fallen forever in icy sheets, covering the city in a surreal mist, seeping through my clothing and piercing my tortured skin. Such an icy current should ward off other creatures, but it doesn't. They come, and they attack. Attack with as much hunger and lust as they did the first time. The hunger for human flesh…for warm crimson blood…for the sweet, undying life within a heart. For the one thing that has kept me alive these past two years. The shattered, tortured, weary heart that has been stolen before. Pieces of it lie upon the cold tiles of this place- the place I dare to call my 'home'. My prison.

..._But only brought more…_

I continue on, almost savouring the feel of the bitter coldness of the rain upon my fevered skin. Distant memories arise of storms on a beautiful island.

..._So much more…_

They were nothing compared to the endless torrents of this dark city- those tropical storms held warm rain which refreshed the island, cleansed it, not icy drops that sting and destroy the city. Memories of the last tropical storm I ever experienced burn themselves into my mind.

..._I lay dying…_

The swaying palms…the raging sea…the enveloping darkness…the cries of the lost princess…the blackening sky…the eyes that cried out to me as I was swallowed into darkness…the eyes that belonged to the embodiment of innocence…

Sora…

..._And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal…_

My heart cries out in pain as his startling blue eyes stare at me, asking me so many questions. So many years of staring into those deep, pure, crystal blue eyes, which radiated childish innocence reappear before my closed eyes. All his questions, all his stares, all his grins…all his tears. The tears which broke my heart. The tears that I would move heaven and earth to stop. But, two years ago, instead of stopping his pain, I encouraged it. I sent the heartless after him. I stole his keyblade and his friends. I attempted to kill him nine times…I fall to my knees as the pain radiates throughout my chest. Shivers rack my body as I let the cold seep into my bones.

..._I'm dying…praying…bleeding…and screaming…_

Yet still after all that…he saved me. He defeated Ansem and freed my heart. After every time I attempted to kill him, he would still believe I had goodness in my stolen heart. He would cry out, and I would ignore him. I injured him, undermined his beliefs, and worst of all…betrayed him. I betrayed our friendship. Our friendship that we promised we would always be there for each other…

..._Am I too lost to be saved…_

I cough, sending a fresh wave of pain through a deep wound on my back. The pain in my chest subsides as my senses return to normal, and I feel the presence of others. I call upon my keyblade, and feel the blade materialise into my hand. I feel the heartless creep slowly towards me, hoping for a sneak attack. Stupid fools.

The first one attacks, and I easily slice him in half, and feel him dematerialise. The instant his last particle disappears the others attack. Wave upon wave of small, weak black heartless attempt an attack, and I knock them all down easily. Sensing more on their way, and my energy quickly depleting, I summon all the energy I can find, and raise my keyblade into the air.

"_Glorifica_" I cry, slamming the keyblade into the ground. Blinding light erupts from the point of impact and creates a circle around me, before expanding rapidly and killing any heartless within a two hundred-metre radius. Screams from the dying heartless ring in my ears as the blinding light slowly fades, leaving behind the last particles of the disappearing heartless. I fall to my knees again, exhausted.

..._Am I too lost?_...

Sweat mingled with droplets of rain fall from my face as I shakily pull myself to my feet. My keyblade disappears as I lean against a nearby wall for support. The attack I used to rid the heartless used up most of my remaining energy; rendering me quite vulnerable if any more were to follow. But the heartless weren't smart enough to find my small flaw. I laugh half-heartedly as I think of how many times I'd defeated the heartless in this same way. I slide down the wall as I succumb to a coughing fit. My chest rattles as I spit blood out indifferently, attempting to regain a grip on myself.

..._My God my tourniquet…_

..._Return to me salvation…_

I shift the wet material across my eyes as the endless memories of the past two years flash before my closed eyes. I let my fingers linger on my blindfold, recollections of my time before it hindered my sight making me shiver.

I walked for the first two months of my imprisonment within Kingdom Hearts with the King Mickey by my side, constantly fighting heartless, and falling ever deeper into a pit of despair. After another three months, I started to see Sora amongst the heartless. My heart would flutter…_He was here! He really came!_ I would chase him and he would turn and fight me. I soon realised it was a heartless. But I couldn't fight the hallucination…not after all I had done to him…the pain I had caused him…my heart was being constantly broken. I would watch Sora smiling and laughing like he used to while he tore at my flesh. It became so bad, that I was losing sanity. I lost King Mickey, and soon found myself seeing Sora everywhere. My heart was falling apart, and so was I.

..._My God my tourniquet…_

..._Return to me salvation…_

I somehow found myself on the top of a building during a calm day. The day that changed my life. I sat there, shivering. I couldn't take it anymore. I looked to the building opposite me, and saw Sora waving at me, smiling at me. My heart couldn't take it anymore. It had been broken too many times. Too many smiling Sora's, egging me into traps where I would find myself in my darkest nightmare…I stood up, but a voice interrupted me.

_/The eyes are the window to the soul.../_

I turned to my left, and found a cloaked figure staring at me, with startling blue eyes. My heart screamed. The figure reached out his hand and covered my eyes. My shock fell away as I leaned longingly into his gentle touch.

_/Don't let your heart be broken anymore.../_

His soft touch was replaced with a wad of material, which he gently tied at the back.

_/Don't let them see into your soul…where your heart keeps your deepest desires…don't let them destroy what you live for.../_

His gentle touch left me, and I cried out, reaching frantically for him. But all I met was icy rain. I felt around, not daring to undo the blindfold he had left for me. I was desperate to know…

_Was that Sora?_

..._Do you remember me…_

..._Lost for so long…_

I shake my head fiercely, scolding myself for ever thinking that Sora would come back. I told him to take care of Kairi, and that's what he's gonna do…

/How do you know?/

I gasp, startled at the sudden voice in my mind. I move my head around, trying to sense if anyone was there.

/Never forget the friendship you two hold…/

A picture of two young boys watching the sunset appears in my mind.

..._Will you be on the other side…_

"But there is no way in here…and I don't want him to come…" The last part comes out painfully.

..._Or will you forget me…_

/Why? Why can't he come here? Why can't he save you?/

My heart sinks painfully, the truth lashing at my spirit. "Because…" I struggle to continue, my chest constricting painfully. "…I want to protect him…I stayed on this side of the door for a reason." Suddenly the words come easier. "…I didn't slip through the crack because I…I couldn't do it to Sora…I couldn't stand next to him anymore, being his 'friend'." My voice wavers, the sudden tension in my throat cracking my voice. "Not after what I've done…I stayed here to protect Sora from…_myself_…and now I'm facing what I deserve." My face hardens. "What I deserve from causing so many people so much pain…" My whole body tenses as memories of what I did with Ansem surface.

_Destroying worlds…_

_"They're better where they're going…"_

_sending__ the heartless to fight…_

_"Power…"_

_turning__ the innocent into the black creatures that dwell on darkness…_

_"Do not be weak Riku…darkness cannot be truly yours if you resist…"_

_attacking__ Sora…_

_piercing__ his skin…_

_tearing__ his flesh…_

"_Riku__!"_

..._I'm dying…praying…bleeding…and screaming…_

I cry out in pain as I watch Sora fall, weakened by a badly bleeding wound on his arm. I feel myself tremble as I watch a twisted smile make its way across my face, a ghostly dim black outline tracing its way around my strong figure.

..._Am I too lost to be saved…_

My eyes widen as I watch Sora stare at my evil form helplessly, his plea sounding from his lips.

"Riku…fight it…please…"

I smash my head against the wall behind me to wake me from my dark memory, my heart still breaking at the tone of Sora's voice. How long it has been since I've heard his voice…I'm almost forgetting what it sounds like…

A single tear streaks down my icy cold cheek.

..._Am I too lost?_...

I'm forgetting the one light in my dark tunnel…how could I? How could I be so…_heartless? _How can I forget him…_him_…even _Ansem_ will never forget him.

..._My God my tourniquet…_

..._Return to me salvation…_

My entire being suddenly cries out for the longing to be in his warm arms. I suddenly desire with my whole heart and soul to be basking in his presence at this very moment. His warm embrace…lined with his gentle nature and inviting touch. I let another tear trickle down my pale cheek as I think of what he would do to me if I did lie in his arms. His humorous side would appear, and he would tickle me or do something to make me laugh. My ribs scream in pain as I cough violently, more blood finding its way onto the icy concrete below.

..._My God my tourniquet…_

..._Return to me salvation…_

All the hopelessness…it's worse than the endless torrents of rain. Worse than the feeling of Ansem stripping me of my innocence. Every depressing emotion suddenly weighs down on me, drowning me. The feeling…the endless…

Falling…

/Child of Darkness…/

The voice dies as pain-filled screams enter my mind.

Sora.

..._Return to me salvation…_

He's in pain…

He's screaming…

I'm…I'm…watching…

I'm…I'm holding the blade…

..._I want to die…_

Pain…pain sears through my arm. I feel warm liquid stream down my right arm, and hear the soft sound as it hits the ground. My head swirls slightly as I feel a large, and rather powerful heartless stand next to me.

/Etched into eternity…/

The voice dies away as I hold out my uninjured arm. Any humane thoughts for the creature of darkness die away quickly as I think of the Child of Light and the pain he went through at the hands of them.

..._My God my tourniquet…_

..._Return to me salvation…_

At the hands of me…

"Suffer…" I whisper, dark energy emitting from my palm and surrounding the heartless. The intense screams of the heartless ring through the night as it's slowly and painfully erased from reality. I breathe heavily, the wound on my arm soaking my clothes with blood and creating a puddle of the red liquid around my hand. I savour the warmth of my blood; not bothering to stem the flow…wishing it would last forever…the warmth of it…my head spins as memories again flood my weary mind, the last of my defences fallen.

..._My God my tourniquet…_

..._Return to me salvation…_

_"You are now my pet…"_

_"Shhh…quiet my little kitten…you know this is what you want…"_

_"You shall watch your pathetic excuse of a friend die, Riku. At your hands!"_

Ansem's cold laugh echoes within my head, and mingles with Sora's screams of pain. I fall to my knees, the screams sending violent chills throughout my body. I watch helplessly as Sora's body falls limp to the ground.

..._My wounds cry for the grave…_

"No…" Tears stream down my cheeks. The scene replays itself in my mind. I shake my head, desperately trying to rid my mind of the horror. My tears fall to the ground, joining the endless barrage of rain. Screams fill the air as the heartless storm their way through the empty city streets. Sora's lifeless eyes stare at me, Ansem's triumphant laugh ringing in my ears. I can't summon the keyblade.

I…I…

…give up…

..._My soul cries for deliverance…_

…Please Sora…I'm so sorry…all I ever wanted was to see you once more…to be held in your embrace…to feel your warmth…

_The heartless are coming…_

..._Will I be denied Christ…_

…To see your smile…your eyes…

_The heartless pour into the clearing…_

..._Tourniquet…_

…But that can never be…I'm the creature of the night…and you are the Child of the Day…and after all the pain I caused you, and everyone else…I guess this is my punishment…I'm so sorry…

The rain falls harder than before…I feel the burning stares of the creatures of darkness upon my frozen skin…everything is silent…until…

Lightning strikes. The beginning…of my end…

The heartless lunge, sinking their sharp claws, fangs, swords and staffs into my tortured form. I can't fight back…my blood is swimming around me…

I'm so sorry Sora…

..._My suicide…_

I love you…

-- …:Chapter 1 - End:… --

Depending on reviews I might continue this story. Tell me what you think and how I could improve :). Please review! ::big Sora puppy eyes::

Sora: ::pout:: hey those are mine!

Me: Thanks!


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